rebecca rose littee

you actually make me so happy.

thank you for always being there and asking for hugs (:

you always care about the smallest things that not many people would ask about

and it shows that you actually care about everything.

you dig deeper than "how are you?" and without even talking can tell somethings wrong

even if the person has the biggest smile on their face

you then turn their smile into a genuine one

you are the definition of lovely

and i'd just like to thank you for the friendship

you continue to share with me

i hope we can be friends for ever

because i enjoy being your friend so much

you make me simply happy

love you

♥

wow

just found this on tumblr

i had to continue reading it.

What about the person that has to find your body, surrounded by blood?
What about the terror and pain that they’ll have to remember for the rest of their lives?
What about them having to feel guilty for being “too late” every day of their lives?
What about them holding your body and screaming in agony as they can’t even get the strength to leave you to get a phone to call for help?
What about the depression that you’ll leave them in?
What about them having to walk away, their clothes soaked in your blood and their tears?
What about them yelling at your paralytic body “Please live! I love you! I need you! Please.”?
What about all the tears you’ll cause people that you aren’t even aware of?

What the fuck about them?

Life is so fragile, and we fight for it every day —even against our own hands.
When you kill yourself, you’re also becoming a muderer.
You’re killing pieces of the people who love you.
You’re tearing holes into their hearts that can’t even seal with time.

So what about them?

jacque ames

JACQUE AMES


what a beautiful name, representing such a beautiful girl.
you were only young and it was just you and your hippie mum from america. it was such a pleasure to meet you, you showed such a positive outlook, although it must of been tough. i remember being jealous because you got so sunburnt yet you tanned so fast and you were able to ride jonesy. it was so much fun that summer when you and katy were there. riding everywhere on the quads, racing each other and meeting the horses with their bad breath haha, feeding the little poddies and big mumma cows, that you didn't have to worry about your hat falling off when standing in the back of the tray and laughing when i lost mine, also teaching sam and me the old rocking chair song. you weren't able to wear your braces because of the radiation therapy yet you have the most beautiful heart warming smile i have ever seen. it would be able to lift a room full of miserable parents and their sick children... that is how many of us would like to remember you. you were the smartest at school although you were so busy fighting for your life. your love for science has encouraged me, as i now want to be an astronomist. perhaps, then i could work out why all of this happens. why some people are taken so early and others are allowed to live the rest of their life. especially the good people, like you. mum tries to tell me that it's just the circle of life and that we'll never know why some people are taken early or not, but it still just seems so unfair. your poor mother now has nothing it seems, but don't worry she's staying with kim, mark and sam. i wish i was able to come to your funeral, because that way people would be able to see the amount of lives that you had touched. you are my hero jacque ames and i thank you for your surprising christmas texts or the one saying "oh truuuee" about going to the safe house, but mainly for teaching me the most about living your life and taking nothing for granted. sure people can say this over and over again but never really do anything about it. from this day i will try my hardest and throw myself into things full bore, i will strive for my dreams and beliefs.. and you know what? it will all be thanks to you (:


may you lay your head down free from pain, and now rest peacefully watching over those who love you.












(:

edward

what a dog cuz.
i drive all the way to the gold coast with three friends. yeah to chill on the beach, but mainly to see you.
i had a fight with my parents and probably lost their trust because i told them i was only going to my friends house. it was night time and i was tired but no i put in the effort to come all that way to see you but you can't see me because you are half way through your main course. i'm pretty sure you could have a least said hello.


i say i have to leave really soon and you say sorry i'm still at dinner, probably with mates from the same place as you that you've spent the last five years with. then you have the decency to ask me if i could come back later. sure i said it was your week and i could see you whenever but i don't appreciate being treated like a puppet doll being played with whenever you feel like it.


i thought so highly of you. i liked you so much, i was willing to lose everything for you and then you can't even see me for at least a second. well shows me how wrong i was about you and that you can never really trust anyone especially over the internet.


just wanted to say thank you and that i hope you enjoy the rest of your week hitting on schoolies sluts.


take care


















(:

e.

i want to run out the front, jump in my car and drive fourty minutes south and search the whole of gc for you. i tried last night and failed but i'm willing to try all week long. maybe it's a sign that i didn't see you last night and that you texted me just as i arrived home. maybe i'm not meant to see you now? or that was the whole point. that i was meant to go away and think about it? come back and make it really worth something. but then again thats a false reality, it isn't real. none of it is.. and maybe i'm meant to be kept away.

i wish i could just make up my mind. i've been listening to the same song over and over. it's making me sad because it used to make me so happy and when i was driving in gc this song came on and i would get so excited. walking through the mosh at the beach party i would just picture you. walking across the street near maccas i'd picture seeing you and jumping on you. seeing girls with guys i'd picture you and me. it's so unfair. i finally told myself and made myself believe that i wouldn't see or hear from you this week and i was home away from that but then you have to text me, dont you? though to be honest to myself you're probably off with your mates hitting up the parties, hitting on girls.

probably forgotten all about me.
oh well.




if only you would "stop stealing my heart away".

i remember the end of school

tomorrow is the beginning of the last week of school
and at the moment i am so excited, yet so nervous as well.
just finished painting my nails dark purple
you see, where not allowed to wear coloured nail polish
so we've all decided to wear nail polish for the week or at least day.
tomorrow we're also wearing costumes
of what we want to be when we grow up, some people are being serious
and some of us are being silly
my bestfriend and i are being mario and luigi
she's being mario (red) and im luigi (green)
our outfits are so so so cool :)
should be interesting what everyone shall wear
i've heard of air attendants and doctors and nurses and such
woo.


one more week to end an era, wow.














(:

new people

it's always fun to meet new people

it's exciting getting to know them and what sort of things they like.

whether you like the same colour or music. being introduced to new things like new bands you haven't heard of and actually sort of really liking them. comparing movies you've both seen or asking where they've been and what they think of places, perhaps overseas.

im so giddy bout meeting new people. and yes they do say people are only new for a day, but not really because you're always finding out new things as you continually get to know each other.

(:

a Pea that's not so sweet.

so today someone told me that they have noticed now for about four months that i have changed and that is not a compliment.

i have dry humour, sorry very dry humour and that i don't think about what i'm going to say, i just say it. and that most of the time what i say is very harsh and usually inappropriate. especially when directed at emotionally unstable people.

well i thoroughly apologize for just deciding four months ago which would be august if you could not work that out, that i wanted to change and be some synical person. you know cause everyone does that. it's been four months time for a self assessment, sorry paige you're not being nasty enough.

sure you may of noticed a change in me, and yeah you have a right to tell me this. but you could of at least been concerned or asked why the change? oh or maybe approached me earlier than four months. you see me about four days during the working week and that is at about 40 minute intervals. so i don't suppose you have any idea what is going on for the rest of my time, therefore not being able to fully judge me. you have no idea what may of happened throughout those four months that have made me unhappy and unlike my 'self' and not my bubbly bright person i usually am.

broke up with my first boyfriend who drove me mad, because he's so immature and so unorganised. fighting with someone who i used to consider one of my bestfriends. being ignored randomly by my first friends, spoken to when it suits them, being annoyed with another friend because they ignore her too and i'm meant to be there for her. being the reason why my bestfriend and her boyfriend don't talk anymore and broke up, yet don't get along with her new male friends because i don't fit through the door. worried about that because i finally have someone who "likes" me back but when they see me they'll want to throw up and say seeeeeya. the death of a teacher who had two young sons, who i play with at childcare and has the same name as my beloved cat. the death of one of my first friend's sister who was only nineteen and had the most positive attitude i've ever seen. the death of my mother's work friend and then seeing my mother upset, hearing news about a friend who thought she was free of her tumours and being able to go home, then to return for her first checkup to hear that all of her tumours have returned and she wasn't meant to make it past august. so went home to live in palative care just waiting to die? all of this in the space of about four months, maybe more.. and i'm not allowed to change slightly, i'm still meant to be bubbly and pretend that everything is fine and still perfectly normal? i don't think that is possible. especially when even before this i haven't always been a bubbly. maybe to the public face but there are times when i am down and can't find a way out. just like many other people face the same sort of problems.

i guess what i am trying to say is, don't ever dare to judge people by what only you can see. there is always more to the story than meets the eye. sure people get sad and depressed, you have a right to feel like this because it is normal, i guess. but make sure you really think about it. think about all of the people out there that are actually dying and cannot do anything about it. i'm sure they would gladly trade places with you, if it means one more day on this earth, with the people they love and who love them.

whatever,
i've changed i guess, and i have dry humour, i don't care anymore clearly and i'm nearly finished therefore two weeks left. i'm sure you could learn to live with it till then. and if this change affects me in the "real world" you shouldn't even care because you won't know me then.

take care,



(:

what sort of music do you like anyhow?

a song i wrote about a dear friend last year,

it's called promises.


Its at the end of next year

I’ll get to see your face

After 5 years away from each other

I’m waiting to feel your embrace



You made me a promise

That you’d always be here for me

I said I didn’t like your promises

Cause people always seem to break them



And if you broke my promise

it would be like you broke my heart

but I suppose your heart cannot be broken

if it wasn’t whole to start.



When I see you next year

What will you expect from me

Will it all just be fun and games

Or will you take it seriously

Will you remember what you promised me?



And if you broke my promise

it would be like you broke my heart

but I suppose your heart cannot be broken

if it wasn’t whole to start.



We’ve spoken a little of when we meet up

And to tell you the truth im a little scared

Things have already seemed to have changed

from when we spoke about our future days



I just want to give all of me to you

But you have already given yourself to someone else

Oh what’s a girl like me to do

When they’re hooked on someone like you

Would you be able to repeat

That promise you said you would keep 



And if you broke my promise

it would be like you broke my heart

but I suppose your heart cannot be broken if it wasn’t whole to start.

copyright paigekingsley 2009.

lying awake at night when you should be sleeping is never a good thing. a thousand thoughts racing through your head. thoughts about everyone and anyone and everything and anything. thoughts about where you could be instead or who you could be with. people you broke it off with and now have no contact. and when these thoughts run through your head you wonder what it would be like to talk to them again or be with them. you wonder why exactly they're not talking to you or responding to your text messages. whether it is to do with you personally or to do with people you interact with. you wish you could just call them to hear their voice and to ask what's going on... but then realize it was a crazy idea to begin with.. and you know that come tomorrow you'll question yourself as to why you were even thinking of that person in the first place. so many thoughts, yet so drousy. time to try and sleep. goodnight.

stop stealing my heart away

"i can feel your heart beat"
enrique iglesias ft. nicole scherzinger

i became aware of this song on carina's tumblr, and i liked it straight away.
there isn't much to the song, but with the constant piano and beat, while the words "i can feel your heart beat" are repeatedly chanted just feels enchanting. it makes me happy. i don't have anyone to like at the moment, but it still makes me smile and gives the possibility of having someone in the future.

when the time is right it will be good and well, until then i will continue to dream endlessly.

(:

(:

love of my life.

i love him so much no words could describe.

i call him by his wildchild character name though, so people don't realise who he is and then try and steal him, because first glimpse and you'll fall in love. he actually makes me melt inside. he is so funny, look at his videos and you'll just smile... and laugh cause he acts like an idiot. (: someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with, knows when to have fun and ... be serious have fun hahah. 

♥ freddie kingsley, 

i LOVE you.

love always and forever paige kingsley ♥

p.s. happy 22 months .
25th September 2008

.

what is the hatter with me?

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is superb. i wish i could fall down a rabbit hole and in to a mysterious land. unfortunately my imagination has been crushed for a long time now, ever since my story i was creating was deleted. creative juices equals zero, although i try hard to be imaginative and creative i cannot and therefore instead i shall watch this film over and over and let my self be lost. well i best go watch it, because i'm "terribly late you know, naughty" ahhh love the mad hatter in particular ♥

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awkward silences
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(L)

exam block

yo,

its currently exam block, therefore i am in sweet bliss. As i exam block goes for three days and i only had my maths exam i have two days off. yesterday i went to southbank with ashlee, tara and brie which was loads of fun. we saw pritzy & randle and the girls participating in the science and engeniering competition. then had a bbq which was nice. then we had to go to school at 1 because i had singing rehearsal for musical/open mic night, which led to a massive jam sesh with ass. then we had volley training and then a game which was played at brisbane entertainment centre against mary mackillop college, it was so close. like everyone was actually dropping nuts. first set to them second set to us, third set both teams on 24 and it was up to anna's serve. thankfully the other team let it fall and we won. now we're into the semi finals and if we win the next game we'll be playing for first, so fingers crossed. volleyball is so much fun, i will certainly miss it when the comp is finished *sadface*
today, i decided to stay at home. i have sort of cleaned up my room and i've just been chilling with MAX, my crazy new cat. whom i love dearly.
then tonight i have a drama play that i need to see for assessment, which im a bit worried about because i haven't actually handed in my permission form yet, though other girls havent either, so should be alright, hopefully.

so, yeah havent written a blog in ages so thought i would. only listening to music atm, so perfect chance. justin bieber just came on. he actually sounds like a girl, like whaaat?

anyway im gonna go play band hero.
ciao for now homeskillets.

(:

buonanotte (:

hi,

i haven't been on here in ages.
probably because i haven't been at a computer for weeks and then i forgot.. sorry.

anyway so it's the beginning of february and school has started for the year and so on.
but guess what? it's grade twelve this year SEN10's bitches, i am so excited.
i really don't like my school at the moment, because the teachers are shit and its just so poor and unjust. i only go to see my friends. it hasn't always been like this. i loved school at st. clares and at the end of primary school probs because of bird but yeah. other than that it's been a bit of a meh journey of twelve years of my life.

at the moment im kind of into learning, i really want to go to tafe this year and learn italian properly instead of half paying attention in italian classes from seven to nine. and then after i do that i might study another language. i wish i could just know languages haha, like when foreigners are talking probably about you then you could just know what they are saying and talk to them then they'd fully be shocked heheheh slyyyy.

listening to heaps of music. at the moment im really enjoying florence + the machine, she has such a unique voice and the sound is so organic, it's quite beautiful. also downloaded axle whitehead's music, chasing pavements by adele and i've been listening to mango tree by angus and julia stone probably because it reminds me of my time away having to rake mango leaves every two days, fun times, actually surprisingly.

another thought that i had is that i want to convert to buddhism. im currently doing research to make sure that it's proper and so i know what it is rather than just saying i am and only for one reason. the main reason for this is because im having trouble believing in the catholic god at the moment. after visiting the little children at the out patients who have leukemia i don't understand why they are there with their families having to suffer. if there is a god why does he put people, even children through that pain? when my brother had a tumor my mother's friend gave him the healing buddha which sat above his bed and helped him get better, i believe it worked. also, im not one to believe in heaven.. so there is a place you go after you die and do what? just chill even though you have no recollection of any of it. i believe that after death we are reborn into something greater. and this is why im looking into buddhism because it has similar beliefs.

so theres a big catch up blog, hope you enjoy it.
im tired and i dont seem to listen to music when i write blogs, so im going to do that.

possibly write again soon.

ciao for now .




(: