time

 i suppose i just wish that we could all stay in eachother's lives for a longer amount of time. time is so precious and it's only realised once it's too late. this is experienced in so many ways. from friendships, to loves, to lives lost. over the past year or so i have experienced all three.

it is the strangest feeling when you spend every day with a person, you practically know everything about them, share everything with them, then next thing you know you don't really know them at all. i spent a whole year with one person, she was my first real best friend. we did everything together. each other's families were like our own and we knew exactly what was happening with both of them. we supported each other through the tough times and shared our deepest secrets. we went away on family holidays with each other. i shared my last year of school by her side. tore up some friend ships here and there, but at the end of the day we were still bestfriends. now it's been nearly a year on and i know nearly nothing about her. apart from the constant facebook updates about what she's doing, i.e. watching movies or having a bubble bath, i dont really know what's going on with her. sometimes i wish i could just ask who she hates so much, or what's she's doing with herself, or how uni is going, but i'm too afraid she'll think i'm being fake, but i actually just want to make sure she's doing okay. i don't really know what the undoing of our friendship was actually. i think it was because it was the end of school and i was just tired. by the end of last year i had changed so much as a person and she was still sort of the same. we didn't share the same p.o.v on some topics and i think that became the main focus. now i sit here and i do miss her a lot, i loved her so much. we shared so many great times together and hopefully one day we can be better friends again, i'm sorry for giving up on our friendship. 

in about 2008 a boy i went to primary school with started talking to me on msn. it was a strange friendship as we lived so far away from each other and hadn't spoken in years. we re-introduced ourselves and soon began to be quite good friends. months had passed and we started to know more and more about each other, we would talk about all sorts of things. he was my favourite person to talk to, because he was so honest. we would tell eachother things we weren't able, or comfortable enough to tell anybody else. it was such a good friendship that we could go months with out talking to eachother, and then were able to just pick up where we left off. don't get me wrong we had our ups and downs, but it was all worth it. years had passed and we were getting excited for the day we would finish school and finally meet each other in person. not all things went according to plan though and we didn't end up meeting up. he always sent me on an emotional roller coaster, as i would always feel so happy speaking to him, but so lonely when i wasn't. at this stage i really liked him and i was so let down when we weren't able to meet. from this point on i was ok with the fact that we'd just be long distance friends and that's all, until the day he told me he loved me. i had never felt more happy and heart felt in my life, still to this day it is the best feeling. so many more months had passed and there were the discussions back and forth about our feelings and what the distance was doing to us both. so we went back to the fact that we could be no more than friends, which after a lengthy amount of time agreed to. happy with where we were finally at, came the time when he was up here visiting. we met up and in a strange but bliss filled night, shared a couple of hours with each other. this was the best time of my life and in a split second i was on an emotional roller coaster, again. things ended quickly and messy. it's now been about five months and i wouldn't have a clue where he is. i miss him so much and still love him so, i am thankful for all the years we shared but wish it ended better, well actually that it never ended at all. so much time has passed and all i want to do is let him know i still love him.

it's been over a year since she passed away and i bet the pain is still so raw for those who loved her most. now and then memories appear, which make me think about her and it brings a smile to my face. yet, it still makes me so sad. she was such a beautiful girl and she was so young and smart. it's hard to think that one day someone is here and the next they are not. people's time is taken away from them and the majority of people out there, don't stop to even recognise that there has been a significant loss whether that be for one person, one family, one friendship, one love, one community or so on. time is too busy being used for people to be too caught up in their own sadness, or ego that we don't appreciate what is around us. we need to make sure that we celebrate what time we have and share it with those we love and even those whom we despize. you never know what's affecting the person next door to you, or what affect you have on another. so therefore, if your time is taken away make sure they can say they were a beautiful person who really thrived on living. i know that's how i remember her, with her bright smile. we didn't share that much time together, but the moments we did i will never forget. i will be for ever grateful for the lesson's she has taught me and till the day i die, because of her, i will live life, as much as i can.